Trauma - not always what we think it is

Trauma can absolutely be that horrible car accident, a neighbor shot in front of you, a father pushing around his wife and kids, or moving from foster home to foster home.  But the truth is, trauma is a broad term for many, many types of things that cause fear, rejection, or emotional hardship.

People who experience trauma typically demonstrate an amazing amount of creativity, stamina, strength, and perseverance.

The downside of our strength

Strength is not so much a "downside" as much as it can be "over-used".  What do we mean here?

In trauma, strategies are used that are required for the situation based on what's available to that person, and the fact that they work.  They work for a time.  What we know and understand about the various strategies one uses in trauma, is that they are coping strategies and they serve an important purpose.  They shelter, numb, settle others, take charge, compartmentalize, toughen.  But they are not necessarily a prescription for approaching life for a lifetime

Let's take a master chef who recently opened a restaurant.  His customers and the editorial reviews applaud this new chef for his extraordinary application of garlic.  That doesn't mean its a good idea for the chef to start putting garlic in his deserts and beverages.  Garlic is a strength in his arsenal of products he uses, but he must use it wisely.

Most coping strategies are smart .... for the situation .... for survival.  Beyond that, they may have detrimental affects.

One more example of "over-used" strenghts, then we can look at examples of coping in trauma.  A combat soldier carries his weapons loaded at all times in battle.  Smart.  But once home, the soldier doesn't strap on a loaded machine gun with a belt of extra ammunition when he/she sits down at the dinner table.  It would seem ludicrous and inappropriate.  Its "overkill" .... no pun intended.

Examples of trauma coping strategies:

• desensitization
• alcohol and/or drug use
• withdrawal
• control
• fixing others
• people pleasing
• don't  make waves
• don't confront
• distractions like cutting
• sarcasm
• over eating
• at risk sex activities
• over-achieving
• don't trust
• "walls"
• get tough
• stuff one's own feelings and opinions
• denial
• minimization
• over-working
• isolating
• over-"anything"

They may be right

Typically a person who's using a strategy from their past get's feedback from others.

• "You drink way too much"
• DUI, jail, or worse
• "You just walk away"  "You never talk"
• "Your daughter needs to hear that you care, not just about what she's doing wrong"
• "You're driving yourself nuts trying to please everyone!  And you're driving me nuts too!  You can't ever say no!"
• "Quit trying to control everything I do"
• "I need to make my own mistakes"
• "You don't trust anyone!"
• "You need to tell your mother .......... "
• "Where are you?  its like you're not in there"
• "Quit trying to get attention .... why can't you just be happy with yourself!"

Treatment Strategies

Approaches to the effects of trauma are varied.

A lot of attention in material you read talk about "processing the trauma".  Sometimes this gives people the shivers!  But processing the trauma is not usually a "lay on the couch and tell me your story" kind of deal.

At Creekside, we help clients get clear about the events that occurred and how much they were out of their own personal control; what the events caused you to think and feel (to the degree you're comfortable), how they used important and creative strategies to handles those events (yes, important, even though they had a down side).  We often use a white board to map it.  Cause and effect.  In black and white, it can help take it out of the personal-blame or personal-shortcoming game, and make it so logical that we chose what we chose.

Embarrassment and shame often shed at this point, when we see and make sense out of the cause and effect story.  Our grip on old strategies begin to loosen.

The rest of the path becomes easier.  We look at the multitude of strategies we can use in life situations and start exploring and experimenting with them.

Perhaps over-simplified, but these steps and strategies are frequently core tools in dealing with the aftermath of trauma. 

With PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), treatment will include additional strategies.

Strength Re-Purposed

If you have an interest in exploring, at your pace, how a trauma story may apply to you, we would welcome working with you.