Basics

Lets put some basics out there....

  1. Stress.  If you are visiting this page, you are likely experiencing a great deal of stress due to relationship difficulties.  In parallel to helping you get where you want to be, we make sure we pay attention to your stress and/or anxiety.
  2. Realistic.  For some couples, life is hectic to say the least.  When this is true, we approach counseling .... from appointment times to progress and expectations .... with care and practicality.  That is, we look at what's realistic and fair for you.
  3. Embarrassment.  Its not uncommon to have some level of embarrassment coming to counseling with relationship issues.  Its certainly not always true, but let's be real, telling your story with all its blemishes isn't necessarily a fun time.  In our office, your privacy and your courage are not taken lightly. 
  4. Shame.  There is no "shaming" here.  Feeling bad may or may not be a reasonable consequence to a decision you've made .... or story you need to share.  Feeling bad forever ... NOT okay.  Feeling bad about who you are as a person ... very NOT okay.  It takes a tremendous amount of courage to admit to mistakes or open old wounds.  Our focus at Creekside is to take that mistake, or look at that story, gather all the learnings we can, and create a realistic plan to get you where you'd rather be.  There's about two directions to go in when you have a regret.  We support the productive one.  No shame here.
  5. Tools.  We're probably not doing our job if we don't give you tools, knowledge, or experience that translates into practical living.  So helping you in session will include both situational help as well as "portable" tools, experience, and information you can take with and apply day-to-day.
  6. Experience.  Your therapist is trained and equipped to work with couples at various stages of their relationship, of their marriage, of their hurts and difficulties.  For more on Judith's credentials, check out our "About" page.
 
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Couples Counseling

Examples

We can't possibly cover all the tools or strategies used in couples counseling, on one web page.  However, we do know that certain fundamentals of a relationship do steer our ship.  Here are a few examples of what might be worked on, why we would focus on them, and how we would approach them.

 
Healing

Its no surprise that when a relationship hasn't been working ideally, and in some cases, is working poorly, that hurts are experienced.  In some cases, it can feel like the pile of hurts are too large or complicated to ever get past.

In a safe and supported environment, we look at those hurts and use strategies for the individual(s) and the couple to heal and grow. 

A note about Reconciliation (restoring a broken relationship).  Healing is not Reconciliation. But Healing is a key ingredient to Reconciliation.  Reconciliation equals Healing plus Trust Building.

Communication

"Its never like the honeymoon".   Indeed ... we often start off the relationship strong, but after time ....  we tend to focus on the other's shortcomings or imperfections, continue by reducing compliments and affirmations, get consumed by the "busyness" of the days, and after time our words are short cuts for communicating our truest feelings and instead convey frustration and anger.

And perhaps this is not you, but most of us can agree, communication is THE bridge between us, and sometimes its missing a few planks and hands out a good deal of splinters.

At Creekside we help couples sift through the crud and crap built up like barnacles on a pier, and find what's most important to them, and help them communicate this effectively.  (The barnacles can be anger, frustration, hurt, mind videos of what's happened before, etc.)

An important strategy in effective communication is to identify both loving feelings and negative feelings.  If needed, negative feelings need to be processed so that they don't come out in a harmful way.  Rather, we strive to communicate negative feelings appropriately and in balance and in context of our greater goals to stay connected to each other but in a healthy and prosperous way.

Individual Needs

Individuals in a relationship need to feel love, safety, and respect. 

Focusing on that "love" part for a minute .... we find that individuals actually have their own "love language".  Meaning, a person can recognize a love gesture as love, but it doesn't mean that that gesture targets their love needs.

Here's an example - a husband works tirelessly after dinner to clean up and make sure all the dishes are done, put away, and kitchen cleaned so his wife doesn't have to lift a finger and can wake up the next morning with a clean kitchen and fresh start to her day.  However, if wife's love language is "quality time", she may see and appreciate her husband's intent, but she may actually be irritated that he didn't' make time to sit with her and visit and talk about their day.  Likewise, husband might feel unappreciated and possibly start thinking he can never do enough, or, do anything right.

This is just an example, but its a good example to amplify how when you don't know your own and your partner's love language, you can unintentionally be missing the boat ... the "giver" feels disrespected or taken for granted ... the "receiver" feels misunderstood, sometimes ignored or worse, rejected.   

Knowing our love languages (we focus on the top two primaries) helps couples meet their partner where its important.  It may mean that we adjust some of our patterns, but the results are rewarding.  Who wants to feel unappreciated, ignored, rejected, or overworked.  Knowing our love languages can fill the needs of our partner and ourselves.  A full heart is a happy heart.  A happy heart is a generous heart.

The five love languages are ....

  • physical touch
  • acts of service
  • words of affirmation
  • quality time
  • gifts

 

Fees and Insurance

Every insurance plan is different.  We can look into your coverage and see if you have benefits that apply to your situation.

 

We can also offer

At this practice, your position on religion, spirituality, God, Higher Power, is valued and respected.

A client may request therapy that integrates Christian beliefs, used to support their goals and restoration.

 

Individual Counseling

 

Call

If you would like to discuss Couples Counseling further, or to request an appointment.